I recently discovered an interesting piece on the web that discusses the reasons why people smoke. I was amazed at how accurately the writer described the benefits and the satisfaction a smoker receives from smoking and I thought, Wow, finally something truthful about smoking. Yes the consequences of our bad habit could prove to be fatal, but when you a smoker - you rarely think about cancer. In fact, I bet a study will show that people who smoke cigarettes think less about cancer than non-smokers do... ?
So I heroicly decided to stop smoking just for a day and see what happens. I imagined that I would be in great mental and emotional pain because when I run out of smokes, I don't care if the last R20 in my wallet was supposed to be for food, it's now going to be used to buy that box of smokes. Ultimately, forcing myself not to smoke for a wole day was going to be challenging.
Just a short historical review on the type of smoker I am; I wake up thinking of a cigarette and rush through brushing my teeth and washing my face so that I can have my first cigarette and only then do I jump into the shower. After every meal, I must have a cigarette. Before I go to bed, I must have a cigarette. When I'm out with friends, I must have more than one cigarette. So naturally I am far from what you would call a social smoker, smoking is part of who I am. Nevertheless, I gave this daunting task a try and was confident that I would make it.
I didn't expect to wake up that Tuesday morning with so much regret and remorse that I had decided to attempt this. Getting into the shower and getting changed took me much longer than it usually does because most of the time I was thinking of just lighting up that cancer stick! I felt like a bus just hit me and I still had to rush off to an 8:40 tutorial. It seemed as though everyone I saw that morning was my enemy. Seeing people laughing and happy while I was having a mental breakdown for a smoke just didn't seem fair. I endured it until my tutorials ended at 10:20 and I took that slow but angry walk back up to my res. Idecided to have a nap until lunch because there was absolutely nothing that I could do, without having a cigarette. I felt no motivation at all. The napping didn't work out at all. So I decided to eat. I ate and ate and ate and ate until 12pm. I walked to the dining hall with my long face and sat down with my friends. Before I begin to relate to you my burst of anger I feel it is necesary to first explain a few personalities that join our table for lunch. The one is famous for her randomness and her inabililty to say the right/ normal things in a crowd. The second is a BSC student who never comes out of her room unless its time to eat and even when she does eat, she talks about work. As soon as that last piece of chicken is down her throat, my mind melodiously sings to the whining sound of her voice that says: "Okay guys, I have to go now I have soooo much of work to do!" Now imagine not having a cigarette for the entire day and having these personalities rubbed into your face for lets say an hour, that's of course non-smoker time. For me, it felt like 3 hours, 43 minutes and 16 seconds! How could I not get angry. To the one I demanded she attend classes to improve her social abilities and to the other I declared she just stay in her room forever and learn science the whole day because really, she is wasting her time eating... the poor food also needs some attention! Are you wondering if I felt remorse? Not really, I felt it was appropriately said and well overdue.
Okay so lunch didn't turn out that well but now I was faced with the worst part of the day. I had just finished eating; more than I usually do, and I couldn't smoke. I went back to my room, avoiding every conversation possible with my friends because it all seemed so trivial. "Hey Aneesa, how is your day going?" Like why would you ask me that? Does it matter? Are you bored? Like why is it your business anyway? .. Was a typical response from me that day.
So I lay on my bed trying to me mature about this whole thing. I feel bad because I missed two lectures because I simply did not feel like going. I wanted a cigarette. I began to have these mental wars with myself about how this whole experiment is so stupid and that there was no point to it. No I thought, I can pull this off if I just push it till 5pm. But I couldn't and I didn't want to. I went to my mates room, demanded my cigarettes from her, went outside and lit that cigarette up like it was the best thing in the world. The best part is, it was 4:30pm! But it couldn't wait. I love being a smoker and I know that I will stop smoking one day, that day is just not today.
If you love smoking and you are tired people telling you how bad smoking is, please visit http://smokingsides.com/docs/whysmoke.html
So I heroicly decided to stop smoking just for a day and see what happens. I imagined that I would be in great mental and emotional pain because when I run out of smokes, I don't care if the last R20 in my wallet was supposed to be for food, it's now going to be used to buy that box of smokes. Ultimately, forcing myself not to smoke for a wole day was going to be challenging.
Just a short historical review on the type of smoker I am; I wake up thinking of a cigarette and rush through brushing my teeth and washing my face so that I can have my first cigarette and only then do I jump into the shower. After every meal, I must have a cigarette. Before I go to bed, I must have a cigarette. When I'm out with friends, I must have more than one cigarette. So naturally I am far from what you would call a social smoker, smoking is part of who I am. Nevertheless, I gave this daunting task a try and was confident that I would make it.
I didn't expect to wake up that Tuesday morning with so much regret and remorse that I had decided to attempt this. Getting into the shower and getting changed took me much longer than it usually does because most of the time I was thinking of just lighting up that cancer stick! I felt like a bus just hit me and I still had to rush off to an 8:40 tutorial. It seemed as though everyone I saw that morning was my enemy. Seeing people laughing and happy while I was having a mental breakdown for a smoke just didn't seem fair. I endured it until my tutorials ended at 10:20 and I took that slow but angry walk back up to my res. Idecided to have a nap until lunch because there was absolutely nothing that I could do, without having a cigarette. I felt no motivation at all. The napping didn't work out at all. So I decided to eat. I ate and ate and ate and ate until 12pm. I walked to the dining hall with my long face and sat down with my friends. Before I begin to relate to you my burst of anger I feel it is necesary to first explain a few personalities that join our table for lunch. The one is famous for her randomness and her inabililty to say the right/ normal things in a crowd. The second is a BSC student who never comes out of her room unless its time to eat and even when she does eat, she talks about work. As soon as that last piece of chicken is down her throat, my mind melodiously sings to the whining sound of her voice that says: "Okay guys, I have to go now I have soooo much of work to do!" Now imagine not having a cigarette for the entire day and having these personalities rubbed into your face for lets say an hour, that's of course non-smoker time. For me, it felt like 3 hours, 43 minutes and 16 seconds! How could I not get angry. To the one I demanded she attend classes to improve her social abilities and to the other I declared she just stay in her room forever and learn science the whole day because really, she is wasting her time eating... the poor food also needs some attention! Are you wondering if I felt remorse? Not really, I felt it was appropriately said and well overdue.
Okay so lunch didn't turn out that well but now I was faced with the worst part of the day. I had just finished eating; more than I usually do, and I couldn't smoke. I went back to my room, avoiding every conversation possible with my friends because it all seemed so trivial. "Hey Aneesa, how is your day going?" Like why would you ask me that? Does it matter? Are you bored? Like why is it your business anyway? .. Was a typical response from me that day.
So I lay on my bed trying to me mature about this whole thing. I feel bad because I missed two lectures because I simply did not feel like going. I wanted a cigarette. I began to have these mental wars with myself about how this whole experiment is so stupid and that there was no point to it. No I thought, I can pull this off if I just push it till 5pm. But I couldn't and I didn't want to. I went to my mates room, demanded my cigarettes from her, went outside and lit that cigarette up like it was the best thing in the world. The best part is, it was 4:30pm! But it couldn't wait. I love being a smoker and I know that I will stop smoking one day, that day is just not today.
If you love smoking and you are tired people telling you how bad smoking is, please visit http://smokingsides.com/docs/whysmoke.html
No comments:
Post a Comment